Life With or Without Friendship

I miss having friends. There it is, a piece of my soul that longs for social interaction, understanding, the feeling of belonging of friendship. I had friendships end for one reason or another. Mostly because we grew in different directions, became different women. We had different parenting styles, and different morals. I do have my spouse to talk to, but I miss the regular friend relationship. I miss the laughter, the jokes, the secrets, the loyalty, and everything else that goes along with it. As an adult it is very hard, (I find anyway) to make friends. I have tried a couple of Mom groups, but I am not a soccer Mom, nor do I dress my kids with brand names or have the latest trending stroller or kids bedroom set.  I have no interest in playing games and being fake.  I also don’t want kids to be the only thing we have in common or the only reason to have a friendship.

I have joined Facebook groups that are people from my area, but I had to leave those groups as I found most of the people in them to be mean and pissed off at the world. I feel surrounded by pissed of, mean, narcissistic people. My opinion on todays society is that when a person goes through a hard time, they are expected to go through it alone. No one wants to get involved. People judge you if you don’t just shrug off the hard times. Everyone seems to be to busy with their own lives to give a shit about the next guy.

Without any luck meeting any new friends, I have reached out to the local LGBTQ community. I have signed up for a pears program. This is a program were you fill out a questionnaire and they match you with someone. It’s online friending lol. You get to choose who you want to be matched with. For example, I am a spouse of a trans person. I requested to be matched with someone in a situation similar to mine. We will see what happens.

I made the decision to reach out to the LGBTQ community because maybe I am trying to make friends in the wrong place. I mean how many women do you know who’s Husband is trans and is transitioning MTF, while trying to make a marriage work, and raising kids? Who is also questioning their own sexuality, while leaving behind Christian beliefs and finding love, comfort and spirituality in Nature? I don’t really have anything in common with most Mom’s out there.  My spouse and I don’t have much in common with straight married couples.

Yes I have my hubby, and no matter what, I know we will remain good friends, it’s nice thought to have friends you don’t have a romantic history with. I also think about the future, and I don’t want it to be just me and hubby. I don’t want to be alone with absolutely no one to talk to when I am old a gray.

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Excuse my Bluntness: Sexuality and Body Parts

This blog is very sexually blunt, you are being warned. Stop reading now if you are sensitive to adult natured writing.

I never thought I would be reassessing my sexuality in my 30’s. My spouses journey through finding himself, and starting the process to living life as a women, has made me look at my sexuality. I mentioned before that I had always had crushes on guys, and I used to fantasise about a couple of girl bestfriends I had in middle school and high school; but I never put much thought into it. As an adult if I was in the mood for a little porn, 90% of the time I would watch lesbian porn. Again, I didn’t put much thought into it; I thought it was normal for a heterosexual women. Now that I sit back and look at my own sexuality, I have come to the conclusion that I am bisexual, maybe leaning slightly towards lesbian. Let me explain………

As a women I watched lesbian porn, but loved having sex with my husband. To be frank, I love cock. I love how it feels inside me, I love grabbing it, and I sometimes (mood pending) love it in my mouth. I am one of few women who can orgasm with just a cock inside of me. There have been men that I have seen, that I want to ride and I want them to enjoy my feminine sexuality. Basically, a I am women hear me roar kind of thing. I want him to take me, throw me down and fuck me.

I have found women sexually attractive. I love breasts. I think they are sexy, and very appealing. I love a curvy women. A nice ass in a pair of panties turns me on, and the thought of my hand rubbing panty covered pussy makes me wet. I have a celebrity crush on Ashley Graham (curvy women on sports illustrated).  I would jump into bed with her in a second.  I have also noticed a few women when I am out and about, that I find very attractive. When I see a women I would have sex with I want her to enjoy my feminine sexuality, but in a softer more sensual sense. I also want to enjoy her feminine sexuality.

My spouse and I have always had a fantastic sex life. We are both open to trying just about anything once, and we have always been very open and honest with each other on our wants and needs in the bedroom. There are times I want him to be masculine and ruff and I want to ride his cock until I cum all over it; but then there are times I want him to be his feminine self, wear a bra and a mini skirt for example. In these times I want to penetrate my spouse. Sometimes I wish he had a vagina.

Through his journey to self discovery, our sex life has been on a journey of discovery as well. One night I asked him to put on a wig (women’s hair style) he has purchased, along with a mini skirt, and his fake breasts and a bra. We were kissing and the hair of his wig was getting in the way, so I grabbed a bobby pin and slightly brushed the hair back and pinned it. I found that unusually erotic. We then continued to make out and one thing led to another. That was some of the best sex we have had. I felt a deeper connection to my spouse that night. I felt like I was having sex with who my spouse really is. I truly made love to my spouse for the first time. A couple of weeks later we had same old sex. Him naked and being his male side. We got creative. Lets just say there was ice cream involved. I was naked and found myself covered with the ice cream, oopps. Hubby went down on me (which hubby is fantastic at by the way) I came, and the mood was gone. I started thinking that maybe I need him to be his feminine self to enjoy sex.

We have decided to stay together through hubby’s transition. What the end of the journey will bring us, we don’t know 100%. I want to point out, at this point if we did get divorced, it would probably be over the typical reasons couple get divorced. Believe it or not, I don’t think his transness would be a reason; unless he decides at a future date that as a women she would like to date men. I have thought about that, and I have come to the conclusion that if that did happen, I would try dating women. I would also be very open to experimenting with hubby. We could share.

And so I sit here excited about the possibilities. I love cock, but find mostly women attractive these days. But now a days there are hundreds of different varieties of dildo’s out there. My love for cock could be satisfied with a big ol’ strap-on. Which by the way is very appealing to me; a curvy women wearing a strap-on.

 

 

School bus, School, Wicca, Family and Everything Else

It has been a while since I have written. Life has been so busy, I can’t seem to put words together for my blog. Today however, my mind finally feels clear (I can put words together).

About 6 months ago I started looking into Wicca. I ordered books from amazon.ca. Living Wicca part 1 & 2 Pagan Holidays & Earth Magic. A beginner’s guide to Wiccan traditions and practices. Living Wicca part 3 & 4 Casting Spells and Talking to the Goddess.Author of books Kardia Zoe. I want to point out that casting spells is not what you think. It is casting the results you want in life out into the universe, to the Goddess. It’s feeling and thinking what you need to fulfill what you want to achieve. The universe, the Goddess knows everything you think and feel. Feel and think negatively, then negative results is what you will get. Think and feel positive, then positive results is what you will get back. Some of you might be reading this thinking “This chic is crazy”. But I must tell you that it’s true, not the crazy part. The part about the feelings and thoughts you put out there. I mad a choice to put anger and negativity behind me, and actually try and put positivity out there. My life started changing for the better. I started changing for the better. I find myself succeeding in everything I do. I feel happier and more open and optimistic for the future. I have been learning about gemstones and the energies they hold. I have put Christianity behind me for good. I am however, still in the broom closet. I am open about being a pagan, but in secret I am a witch. People associate witch by what Hollywood portrays. I should have a green face perhaps? A pointy nose with a wart? Be evil and do evil things? Ride a broom stick? Be ugly or disfigured? Have a huge cauldron in my kitchen where I brew up potions and spells? In reality witches don’t have or do any of these things. Wicca is a nature based religion. Nature is my religion, the earth is my temple. I will tell you more about this at another time…….

Not sure if I have mentioned this before in previous blogs, but I dropped out of High School. I dropped out in my OAC year. In Canada OAC was basically a grade 13. Ontario Academic Credit. My class was the last to have it. So I have my grade 12, I just need 4 credits to get my diploma. So I enrolled myself into online courses. I am working towards getting my diploma. So far, I am succeeding quite well. Everything is online, and I work at it at my own pace, with a set timeline. So, whenever I get a chance, I work on my High School credits.

I completed training to drive school bus. I passed my B license driving test on Friday. I am now a bus driver. It’s a simple job, but so far I like driving the bus. I haven’t hauled kids around yet, but I am sure the kids on my route will get used to me as their driver, and perhaps we can work out a certain level of respect to make the mornings and afternoons run as smoothly as possible.

Hubby has started laser hair removal on his face and chest. I am impressed with how quickly the treatments are working. I am truly excited for him. At this point, I feel I am sitting and waiting for his transition to be done. I am waiting for my wife to emerge.

As I find more success and happiness in my life, I find my relationship with my mom in-law crumbling. I feel her negativity when I am around her, I feel like she is swimming in it. As I talk about my success with her, she points out all the negatives about it. I try very hard to pass my positive energy to her, I try to leave that energy in her house, but her negativity drowns any positivity in sight. As she points out the negatives to everything in  live, I find myself throwing the positives back at her. If she says “The kids on the school bus will be loud, and hard to manage”. I tell her “I have had worse jobs. I like driving and I am only with the kids for a very short time, I will respect them, and I am sure I will get that respect back in return”.

So there you have it. My currant journey in life.

 

 

 

Looking Back Through Pictures

I’ve been surprised lately on how comfortable it has become to talk to Hubby about his transitioning and using the words, “When you are living as a women”, and “You will be that kind of women”. Looking into the future is a lot less scary. The other day I saw a picture of Hubby with the kids on our trip to The Canadian Heritage War Plane Museum. That was 1 year ago, and I could not believe how much Hubby has changed in one year. No hormones yet, and the change is incredible. Just growing his hair out, and dressing more feminine, what a change. He wouldn’t ‘pass’ yet, but still……..WOW!

It wasn’t that long ago, that when I would look at pictures, like from our wedding, I would feel sad inside. I would feel like I was mourning the loss of my Husband. But now when I look at those pictures, I no longer feel sad. Now I feel that is a part of our history, who we used to be, the beginning of our story. Of course Hubby is not living as a women yet, so my Husband is still her, but as he becomes more feminine, and I see transition in our near future, I look at it with excitement, and hope that we will make it through. I no longer feel un-pretty or not feminine enough. I no longer feel that he will be some how replacing me and my role in our relationship.  I no longer feel he will be prettier or more feminine than me. I now look into the future and see us more as equals. We can both be feminine and pretty, and I will still be able to woo him with my curves 😉

 

Life As An Outcast

People have always confused me. I was not popular in school, in fact I got made fun of regularly, starting from Kindergarten and all the way to my last year of High School. Like most outcasts, I have pondered why are certain people popular and others social rejects? What makes me less of a person? Am I not likeable? Is there something wrong with me?

After 32 years of not being popular, I have to ask myself; Is there something wrong with me?  Are people who are more likeable ‘Yes Men’? Maybe those who seem to be surrounded by friends all the time are people pleasers to the extreme. Maybe there is nothing wrong with me and other outcasts, maybe it’s the popular ones with the problem? Do you need to go way to far out of your way for others to like you? Do you need to be good at being fake?

I don’t like fake. I am honest and I don’t play games. I expect that in return. From what I see, those three points alone make me a non desirable friend. Another question I have to ask; Has society always been fake? Or are things spiraling out of control? We live in a world where people on social media like a picture od Kim Kardashians ass, but won’t like a simple post about respecting others, or a post about forgiveness or living a simple life. Most people seem to care to much about social media, or what technology is the newest and how they can impress others with it. Or how they can impress others by what they drive or what they wear. People will set their PVR’s or DVR’s or other recording devices, so they don’t miss shows about what celebrity was wearing what, and who is more popular, and who is sleeping with who. YouTubes most popular videos are those where people are being mean to others. Young girls beating the crap out of each other, and spouses pulling disgusting disrespectful pranks on each other. We live in a world were it’s cool to be mean.

I find it hard to meet people who are honest, and don’t play games. I find it hard to meet people who wouldn’t throw you under the bus if it would benefit them. I find it hard to meet down to earth, non-materialistic people who don’t need to keep up with the Joneses (so to speak).  I have never cared about what is ‘trending’, what everyone is wearing or what celebrities are doing. Are they fat or thin. Who cares.

It has taken me 32 years to accept the fact that I am an outcast. I just don’t understand it. I think I’m a good person. Along with my honesty and not conforming to what is popular, I’m loyal and I care for those who care for me. I believe respect works both ways.

I do want to make new friends, but I am not willing to sacrifice who I am to do it. I will not play fake and act materialistic to make a friend. So I guess, I just need to accept that I am an outcast, and I don’t get people. Hubby and I are a lot alike, so I know others like me exist out there. Maybe they are just far and few in between.

My Life Changing Decission

Lipectomia-237x300   On December 15, 2015 I had a Tummy Tuck and a Hernia Repair.  Now before you judge me negatively on my having a Tummy Tuck, let me tell you more about me.

I was always ‘thicker’ than other girls. I wasn’t fat as a child, Okay so I had a year or two during puberty that were not my prettiest years, but over all I was average. The summer between 8th grade and 9th grade I thinned out and developed. I started grade 9 with breasts, hips and a booty. I had a women’s body and it sucked. I say it sucked because all of the other girls in my grade were stick thin. Thin was in for a good part of the 90’s. I got teased by the boys. They called me fat. One thing that always bothered me was my stomach. No matter how thin I got, I always had a little something that hung. Before I had children, it was small. So small that I could easily hide it with a good pair of blue jeans and a belt. After I had my first Daughter in 2005 the hanging got a little worse. I was still able to hide it, but I hated it. After baby #2 in 2012 and #3 in 2013, the hanging got really bad and I had put on weight. Every time I set out to lose weight, I got discouraged by the hanging fat and skin. I would start to see results everywhere else, but not there. I would tell myself “It’s not shrinking, why bother?”. It would seem to actually hang more when I lost any weight, that also discouraged me. And it got in my way. Literally got in my way. When I would squat, bend, jump and run it would get in the way.  As shallow as it sounds I hated that part of me. I was embarrassed, ashamed and petrified for my Husband to see it. When I went out in public, I felt like everyone noticed it. It stopped me from applying for jobs cause I had myself convinced that it would stop me from getting a good job. I was scared to join a co-ed gym, cause I feared people would say “WOW! Her stomach hangs gross”. I couldn’t have sex with Hubby naked, out of fear he would be repulsed by me. To me that piece of hanging fat, was a living being on my front waiting to destroy my life. It had become a burden. I thought about it everyday. My self worth was being threatened. When trying to explain to my Husband how much I hated it. I told him that I hate it just as much as some Transgender males hate their penis. Now, I am in no way suggesting that the two are the same thing. That was the only way I could explain it to get Hubby to understand. I did have times where I wished I could cut it off.

One day I got up the nerve to bring some attention to it and I went to my family doctor, and told her I wanted a Tummy Tuck. I t was really hard to open up about that hanging belly and let my Doctor see it. My doctor sent out a request to a Plastic and Reconstructive surgeon that she has had performed successful Tummy Tucks on other patients. I was excited. That hanging belly’s days were numbered.

A few weeks later I was back into the doctors because of pain and sensitivity in my belly button area, followed by nausea………..My doctor sent me for an ultrasound, and after the results were in, she said it was a cyst. Wanting to get a better look at it she sent me to get a CT Scan. Those results showed not a cyst, but an Umbilical Hernia.

I met with the Plastic surgeon, who than sent me to see a General surgeon about the Hernia. Then the date for my surgery was booked. December 15, 2015.

The morning of my surgery Hubby and I arrived at the hospital just before 10am. I registered at Day Surgery. They gave me two hospital gowns, a hair cap, booties to wear on my feet, and a plastic bag for my clothes. They weighed me and told me to sit and wait in a line up with others waiting for surgery. I felt like cattle being herded for slaughter. Finally my name was called by a nurse sitting at a desk. She was organizing my paper work, asking questions, and then I followed her to a tiny private room that had a gurney. I laid down and waited to see the plastic surgeon, general surgeon and the anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist asked me more questions. The general surgeon explained to me how he was going to fix my hernia, and the plastic surgeon drew on my abdomen and for a second time explained a little about the surgery. Around noon I was taken to the operating room. In the O.R the plastic surgeon introduced me to everyone there and told them what I was having done. Everyone said HI, and I was being strapped down to the operating table, the surgeon told me that there was nothing to be worried about. I looked at her and said “It’s hard not to worry when you’re arms are being strapped to an operating table. Everyone had a chuckle at my little joke, and a mask was placed on my face. 5 hours later I woke up in my hospital room, and Hubby was sitting in a chair smiling at me.

I was in pain. It hurt to breath. I felt like someone had pushed me down and kicked me in the abdomen repeatedly with steel toed boots. I was kept over night because I had two procedures done at the same time, and because I have asthma and I was put under anesthetic.

The Procedures: An incision was made on my bikini line (same place they do a C-Section, right on top of the pelvic bone) except this incision goes literally hip to hip and a little further past. Another incision was made around my belly button. They liposuction my stomach and lifted the skin and tissue off the muscles. The General surgeon pushed the hernia back in, and stitched my muscles back together. I was told that because my muscles had slacked a lot from pregnancies, he decided to continue to stitch all the way down my abdomen. The plastic surgeon removed the skin and tissue below my belly button, pulled the remaining skin down and stitched me back up. They put a drain tube on either side of my incision to drain fluid from my abdomen. And they wrapped a ‘binder’ around me. Which I am happy to say that at 9 weeks post-op I no longer need to wear. The ‘binders’ job was to help keep swelling in my abdomen down and help stop fluid from building up in my abdomen.

After a long road to recovery, I feel great. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Life is already better. I move better, my blood pressure has gone down, and I am more motivated than ever to lead a healthier life.  This operation is not for everyone, but if someone where going for it, I would advise then to be prepared for a long recovery time. You need to have someone looking after you 24/7 for the first 2 -3 weeks post-op.

 

 

 

 

 

Sad To Leave the Old Us Behind

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I am on board with Hubby becoming more feminine, but lately  I’ve been missing the old him. We went out last night to see the Deadpool movie, and  while we were out things felt different. Maybe it’s because I was feeling very insecure about the change in his appearance and what others may be thinking or saying behind our backs. But I didn’t feel like I was on a date with my Husband. Hubby has always been my best friend, but sometimes he feels more like a girlfriend best friend. Don’t get me wrong, I am still in love with him, I’m just starting to feel the change in our marriage, the change with him.

Before we went to bed last night, I had a little cry. I missed the man I married. I needed him in that moment. Not only has Hubby’s appearance started to change, but his gestures, sometimes how he talks, and even the way he hugs me has changed. I knew I would have to mourn Hubby the man. But I guess I was not as ready as I thought I was.

Before when we would go out, I would feel proud to be out with my Man. I felt like I belonged to a ‘club’.  Last night was the first time I didn’t feel like I was in a Heterosexual relationship. I was no longer part of the ‘club’. I have to admit, it scared me a little. I fear the judgement of other people. I’m scared that they will call Hubby a freak. I fear not being able to ‘blend in’ when we go out in public. I fear people thinking that there is something wrong with me. I miss the old us………

Hubby doesn’t ‘pass’ as a Women right now. I think that is where most of my fear comes from. Perhaps once he starts HRT and his hair is completely grown out, maybe once he can ‘pass’, I won’t have that fear. I feel we are stuck in the middle right now. We no longer pass as a Hetero couple, but we are not a Lesbian couple. So what are we? And where do we fit in? And will I one day be ready to let go of the man I married?

 

 

32 and Ready to Be Me

I decided to clean out and organize the master bedroom closet this morning.  I came upon a box, the items inside this box are apart of my history. I have my baptism candle from the Anglican church were I was baptised as a baby. I have lots and lots of photos. Wedding day cards, 30th Birthday cards, bridal shower cards and anniversary cards. I have my sash with all my hard earned badges from when I was in Brownies, when I was nine. There is a newspaper clipping from when I was 8. I was at summer day camp, and one hot day a fire truck came and let us play and run in the water from the hose on the truck. There are memories from when my oldest Daughter (now 10) was a baby. There are photos old old friends and past family get together’s. But the last thing I found in that box, was old poems I wrote when I was 17, 18 & 19 years-old. I read the poems and decided to try and get them published. I will write more before I send them in, but why not give it a try?

No matter where life has taken me or what I am going through, I always find writing. Whether it be poems, my journal, my old blog, this blog, or scrap of paper with a short poem or verse. I always find writing heals me. I once mailed in a story for a children’s book. I got no response. It was discouraging, so I gave up. But that feeling of wanting to publish something is still there. I want to be published. My imagination is always going. I find a story in every life situation, I see adventure, love, horror, loss and hope everywhere. I’ve always said that I want to see my name on a published book. Maybe it’s time I make it happen.

I have been on this road of self-improvement lately. I want to better myself. I want to be more than just an at home Mom. I had a friend help me spruce up my resume, and I even applied to a part-time position last night. I have been thinking about volunteering at a local Humane Society or food bank. I don’t know what has changed within me, but I need to do more. I need to be more. I can not go through my life sitting at home feeling like I’m rotting away. So I will mail my poems with my fingers crossed. I will actually try to write a book. I’m 32. I’m a Mom and a Wife. I 100% support my trans Husband. Now it is time to show the world who I am. It’s time to be me.

A Change in Routine and a Lack of Intimacy

I don’t even know where to begin with this post. I wish I had someone to talk to about having a Husband who is Trans. This blog is the place I have to talk to others who understand about what it is like to be in a Trans marriage with kids.  So here goes the problem………

Normally I stay home with our 2 year-old and Hubby goes to work everyday. Our oldest is in school.  7 weeks ago I had a Tummy Tuck and a Hernia Repair. I am doing fantastic, but the change in our life the first few weeks after surgery has put a bit of a strain on our marriage.  After my surgery I was not aloud and I could not do anything, so Hubby was home for about 2 weeks in total. He did everything. Laundry, dishes, meals, discipline etc…. This really gave him a chance to take the lead role with parenting. Hubby was amazing running the house and taking care of the kids.

Our 2 year-old does not listen very well to him.  I got short with Hunny a few times cause I thought he was doing things wrong (or not the way I would do it). Our Toddler would freak out on him, so I automatically told him to do things the way I would do it, so we wouldn’t have to listen to her freak out. Needless to say, Hubby and I were frustrated with each other, and our kids. Amongst all the chaos we did find time to talk about our frustrations concerning the kids.

For the first week, I slept in our bed propped up in a sitting position. Hubby slept on the couch, so he didn’t have to worry about accidentally bumping me in the night. After the first week the bed got very uncomfortable, so I moved to the reclining couch.  For the past 5 weeks, I have been sleeping in the recliner, and Hubby has been in our bed. I have tried a few times to sleep in the bed, but my body isn’t ready for sleeping flat yet.  Obviously we haven’t been able (or have I wanted) to have sex. We did once around 6 weeks post-op. It was awkward. I felt ready, my body felt ready, and I missed my Husband, but I was very limited on what I could do. So I think it best to wait a little longer before we try sex again.

Our 2 year-old has always been a good night sleeper. Until after my surgery. She has been waking up once or twice, sometimes even three times most nights. After my surgery our life was flipped up side down and routine went out the window. She wasn’t napping,  she she was acting mad at me. She couldn’t cuddle with me like before, and I couldn’t pick her up. She was ruff with me a few times and she was told not to touch my tummy cause Mommy had an owie. For the past 7 weeks I have had a nurse come by to tend to my incision. Our 2 year-old has seen my incision. Besides a nurse still coming to the house (now only twice a week) life has pretty much gone back to normal. I have been trying to get the little one back on our normal routine. I am not very successful with the naps……..

Hubby is back to going to work everyday, and I am here taking care of the house. But I am still sleeping on the recliner, and we still are not having sex. We do find moments to steal a hug and a kiss, or a quick snuggle from one another, but intimacy of any kind is hard to find when you have kids around. Hubby and I still get frustrated with one another. I have been getting frustrated about how he is starting to change. He hasn’t begun HRT yet, and I can see change in his gestures, and even how he talks. He is acting more feminine, and I find it annoying.  As a parent, I am a take charge, put up with no bull-shit Mom. I know when to put my foot down and not to put my foot down. Hubby take a more gentle approach. Our 2 year-old gives him a hard time and doesn’t like to co-operate with him. I feel that he is to passive with her. I find myself wondering if he has always been that way, or is this something new. I feel he is different. He is the same person, but something is different. I don’t know if it’s the lack of intimacy in our marriage lately, but I find I get frustrated with him more so now. I hope all we need is a date night, and me sleeping in our bed every night to start to end this strain on our marriage. We have been through a lot worse, but I am reminded again on how important intimacy is important in a marriage.

 

 

Times Have Changed…….Inside the Bedroom

Since the family has been brought to light of Hubby being Trans, I have had many conversations with my Mom In-Law about marriage, gender roles, Homosexuals, Heterosexuals, why people get married, why people get divorced, and etc……. My Mom In-Law and I share different opinions, and beliefs. Now I am proud to say that she has done a lot of thinking, and she has come along way with acceptance. Not just towards her Son being Trans, but also with Homosexuality and Gay rights. I am proud of her for being able to be open minded.  One thing that she seems to be stuck on, is that couples get married to have children, therefore the reason she has had trouble accepting Gay marriage. This confuses me so much. I had never even heard of such a thing until I heard it from her. I was never told this by my parents. So being a stubborn 21st century women, I have to have further discussion with her. I have to point out how ridiculous this sounds in this day and age. I do laugh a little when she tells me this, and I tell her that her Son and I got married because we loved each other. I also ask her what about couples who get married, than later find out that they can not conceive. Should they get divorced? Then of coarse I mention Gay couples being allowed to adopt. Then I say to her “There are Heterosexual couples out there who abuse their children. What if a Homosexual couple can give a child the love and care that they deserve? Being Gay does not mean that your sense of right and wrong differ from those who are straight. At this I see (finally) a light go on in her head. She ponders what I said, than agrees with me.

Discussions with my Mom In-Law have made me see how close minded past generations have been. How children were raised to think about sex and marriage.  She believes that you get married to have children. My Dad In-Law, after finding out that Hubby was Trans, flat out asked how our sex life was, and if Hubby was Gay.  Then I think about our sex life, and I think “If they only knew” as I chuckle. Hubby and I have a fantastic sex life. Now maybe this is because we are not afraid to step away from traditional roles in the bedroom. We are not afraid to communicate to each other about out desires and fantasies. So I can’t help but wonder about my In-Laws marriage and their sex life. I do feel a little insulted. Insulted because they think you get married to have children, so does that mean a married couple only has sex to reproduce? And that the thought of sharing your body with your spouse for no other reason but for pleasure is frowned upon? I’m insulted that they immediately think that my spouse no longer finds me sexually attractive because he is Trans. Or I no longer find him sexually attractive because he longs to be a women. If they only knew, that I am more turned on by my spouse now, more than ever. Now when we have sex, I feel like I am being with all of him. I feel flattered that he has chose me for his partner, and that he feels comfortable enough with me to be open and honest. Seeing how much happier he is, and how more confident he is, turns me on.  I see how close minded they are when it comes to sex. How they assume Hubby now desires men, and men only because he is Trans. If they only knew, that Trans does not equal Gay, and that the thought of a women wanting a women is so foreign to them. Once when trying to get them to understand, I said that Hubby considers himself to be Lesbian. I think I confused them even more with that comment. So how do I tell my Mom In-Law that gender roles exist inside and outside of the bedroom. How do I tell them that we take turns being the dominate, and the submissive? How do I tell them that Hubby and myself are sexual people, and that I think to be in this kind of marriage, you have to be a sexual person. The answer is I don’t. I don’t tell them any of that because it’s none of their business. I let them go around being confused and assuming the worst. I let them go around thinking that all marriages, and all sex lives are the same. I continue to feel sad for them. Yes, sad. I feel sad that they don’t feel that connection with their partner in the bedroom. Being open with your partner, and having an orgasm with someone you love, is the best feeling in the world. And I would rather be a queer women with a Trans spouse and have amazing sex, then to be perfectly straight, and think you only have sex to reproduce.

I want to point out that not all perfectly straight couples think you only get marred to have children, and you only have sex to reproduce. These are the views from past generations, and not all past generation folk think this way. I don’t speak for all couples straight or queer. I speak only of my spouse and I, and what I have been told my Mom In-Law.